Tag: coaching
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Yes, Managers: You Should Give Direction
And When To Stop Giving Direction and Start Asking Questions Managers, you’re probably tired of hearing professional coaches (myself included) tell you to stop giving advice and start asking questions. I think we’ve accidentally left managers with the impression that they should ask questions all the time. I don’t believe that’s true. You should absolutely…
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What Does It Actually Mean to “Make Them Think”?
One of the most common questions I hear from managers is: “How do I get my team to think for themselves?” Maybe it’s an employee who brings you every problem without first thinking through possible solutions. Maybe you’ve had the same conversation with the same person three times. You’ve explained exactly what needs to change.…
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Great Conversations Don’t Just Engage the Mind
Psychology and neuroscience suggest that much of what drives our thoughts, emotions, and behavior happens below the level of our conscious awareness. We like to believe we’re making deliberate, rational decisions, but in reality, our brains are constantly processing far more information than we’re consciously aware of. I believe one of the biggest limitations of…
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The Real Reason People Change
People don’t change simply because we want them to. They change when they have a breakthrough in thinking for themselves. When people arrive at the solution themselves, they own it. And that ownership is what leads to action. That’s easy to forget because when someone is struggling, our instinct is to help. The problem is…
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The Banana Problem
Let’s do a quick exercise. I’ll say a word, and I want you to notice the first thing that comes to mind. Ready?… Banana. What did you think of? When I do this exercise in workshops, the answers are all over the place. Banana bread! Monkey! Potassium! And there is always one person who says…
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Why Good Conversations Go Sideways
Have you ever walked into a conversation with the best intentions, and it still went completely sideways? Maybe it was a one-on-one with a direct report. Maybe it was a conversation with your spouse. Maybe it was your child. You started calm. You wanted to help. Then they said something that rubbed you the wrong…
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Running Toward the Burning Building
You are the one people bring their problems to. Someone walks in stuck, and before they have even finished the sentence, you can see the way out. You feel that familiar pull. Jump in. Fix it. Be the one who makes it better. That pull has a name. Save-the-day energy. It is the instinct to…
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The Same Stories Show Up Everywhere
After nearly two decades of working with high-achieving people from all walks of life, I’ve learned that the same stories show up everywhere. The perfectionism that delays a project also slows progress on a passion. The fear of judgment that keeps someone quiet in meetings also keeps them from expressing their creativity. The inner voice…
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The Reason You’re Still Solving Everyone’s Problems
I work with leaders every day who are frustrated because they keep asking or telling members of their team to do the same things over and over, and they’re not seeing any substantive change. They’re exhausted from being the ones who have to solve everyone’s problems all the time, only to have the same people…
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Is This Person Coachable Right Now?
“This person is amazing, BUT…” I call this the big “BUT.” It comes up so often in conversations with leaders that I could finish the sentence for them. The BUT is a list of behaviors they want changed in someone on their team. The ones I hear most often: micromanaging, talking over people in meetings,…
