And When To Stop Giving Direction and Start Asking Questions
Managers, you’re probably tired of hearing professional coaches (myself included) tell you to stop giving advice and start asking questions.
I think we’ve accidentally left managers with the impression that they should ask questions all the time.
I don’t believe that’s true.
You should absolutely give direction.
In fact, giving direction is one of your most important responsibilities as a leader.
Every day, managers are thinking: I need to set expectations. I need to tell them what good looks like. I need to redirect them. I need to give them feedback. I need to explain how we do things here.
I’m not trying to talk you out of any of that. That’s the job.
If someone doesn’t know what’s expected, your responsibility isn’t to ask better questions. It’s to provide clarity. If someone is new to the role, your job is to share your experience and shorten their learning curve. If someone needs technical knowledge or organizational context, withholding it in the name of “coaching” isn’t helpful.
That’s mentoring. And it’s an essential part of good leadership.
However, there comes a point when giving direction reaches its limit. You’ll know you’ve reached that point when:
- The person can accurately tell you what they should do.
- You’ve already provided clear direction, feedback, and accountability.
- The same behavior keeps showing up anyway, especially under pressure.
At that point, the issue is no longer a lack of clarity. You’ve probably reached the limit of what more direction can accomplish.
That’s when coaching becomes one of the most powerful tools a manager can use.
Mentoring draws on your experience. Coaching draws on theirs.
Instead of asking, “How can I explain this better?” you begin asking, “What would make this easier for you?”
Maybe they struggle to delegate because they don’t trust others. Maybe they hesitate to speak up because they’re afraid of stepping on toes. Maybe they micromanage because letting go feels uncomfortable.
None of those challenges are solved by more direction. They’re solved by helping someone shift the thinking that’s driving their behavior.
Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is share your experience. Sometimes it’s to set a clear expectation. Sometimes it’s to say, “Here’s how I would approach it.”
And sometimes…
The most helpful thing you can do is stop talking.
Not because you don’t have the answer. But because the next breakthrough isn’t going to come from hearing your answer one more time.
It’s going to come from discovering theirs.
Great managers know how to give direction. They also recognize when they’ve reached the limit of what more direction can accomplish.
That’s when it’s time to stop giving better answers…and start asking better questions.
I explore this in further detail in my book, Make Them Think, available on Amazon, Bookshop.org, and on your favorite audiobook platform.
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