The Banana Problem

Let’s do a quick exercise.

I’ll say a word, and I want you to notice the first thing that comes to mind.

Ready?…

Banana.

What did you think of?

When I do this exercise in workshops, the answers are all over the place.

Banana bread!

Monkey!

Potassium!

And there is always one person who says “banana hammock.”

Nobody gives the same answer.

That’s because every brain is wired differently.

Our experiences shape what we notice, what we remember, and the meaning we assign to the world around us, and our brains are constantly wiring and rewiring based on every new input.

A parent whose toddler smashed a banana into their hair this morning hears the word and immediately thinks of that experience. The person who ran their first 5K this weekend and grabbed a banana at the finish line is going to think of something entirely different.

Obviously, neither is wrong. They’re simply hearing the same word through different lenses.

Here’s why this matters.

Most of us subconsciously assume that everyone in a conversation is seeing a situation the same way we are.

So when an employee comes to us with a challenge, a spouse tells us about a problem, or a friend asks for advice, our brain immediately starts searching for similar situations from our own life. We remember what worked for us. We think about what we would do.

Before we fully understand their experience, we’re already reaching for a solution based on our own lived experience.

The problem is that we’re often solving our version of the problem, not theirs.

This is one of the reasons advice is so hit-or-miss.

Good advice isn’t necessarily bad advice. It’s simply advice filtered through someone else’s experiences, assumptions, and mental shortcuts.

The more I’ve coached leaders, athletes, and teams, the more I’ve come to appreciate a simple truth: people rarely need us to think for them. More often, they need us to understand how they’re thinking and help them discover their own solution.

The next time someone brings you a problem, resist the urge to immediately solve it.

Instead, get curious. Ask a question. Learn more about their banana problem.

Or, to put it another way, learn more about how they’re experiencing the situation.

Because people don’t need help solving your version of the problem. They need help solving theirs.

Jenn

How do you actually help someone change? I’ve built a career around answering this question as an ICF and NeuroLeadership Institute-certified executive coach, a certified running coach, and the author of Make Them Think: How to Coach for Ownership, Insight and Action.